It’s the time of year when many of us are focusing on our goals for the year ahead: it’s a natural human tendency to want to improve our lives and develop as people. However, often there is an opposing dynamic at work that can sabotage our efforts: avoidance. This is the voice that tells us to stay in our comfort zone rather than risk making changes.
What’s at the heart of avoidance?
At the root of avoidance is a desire to protect ourselves by staying within self-imposed boundaries. This means that our life seems safe and familiar, and we have a sense of control. Change involves some level of discomfort and exposure to situations where we fear we may fail or be overwhelmed.
However, ultimately, always choosing to stay in your comfort zone can be the riskier path to take, because at some point you will have to deal with new challenges in your life whether you choose to or not. If you have cultivated the idea that change is threatening and have not developed the mental resilience to deal with it, the harder your task will seem.
Why avoidance can be corrosive
If there is an inner voice prompting us to tackle a problem, such as addressing underlying tensions in a relationship, then ignoring it might seem to be the path of least resistance. However, the issue festers and becomes more toxic. Sometimes the prompt may be external, such as an opportunity to apply for a promotion at work, or join a new social circle.
If we constantly procrastinate and never take positive steps to meet these challenges, we can miss out on opportunities for personal growth and development. It can also lead to a build up of negative unresolved emotions, and over time this can have a corrosive effect on self-esteem, and lead to serious mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.
Tips for tackling avoidance
It takes some courage and discipline to break out of a comfort zone, but in the long run it can improve the quality of your life.
Pinpoint the what, why and how
Start by making an honest assessment of the issue you are avoiding, and the reasons that are holding you back from making changes. Next, identify any negative impact that avoidance is having on your life currently, such as increased stress levels or unfulfilled potential in your professional or personal life.
Overcoming fear
Often, it is fear of failure or the unknown that keeps us in our comfort zone. However, pushing through discomfort and taking risks also brings rewards: focus on the opportunities that lie ahead, and arm yourself with techniques for bouncing back from setbacks.
Take smaller steps
Rather than launching yourself into a new situation straight away, build up to it gradually with smaller steps. For example, if you want to write a novel, start by aiming to write a short story and set yourself a realistic deadline that is compatible with your other duties.
Seek support if your need to
Sometimes we may have more complex or deep-rooted issues that are holding us back. In this case, you may benefit from Internal Family Systems therapy. I will be happy to discuss this further with you.
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